clarablog

g-d, i feel horrible. i just ordered another pair of wireless headphones from amazon. i don't know where i left the previous pair. it lasted maybe 2-3 months this time. this goes back to childhood and winter coats and other clothing (but mainly coats) that i would leave all over the place with no fix in sight.

there's no amount of discipline that really helps here, just workarounds where they exist. a lot of people in cs have strong feelings around stuff like airtags [1]. don't bother. just buy them. i don't care. you're not going to be arrested. have a realistic risk model about stuff like this.

still, it is one of the factors that somewhat drives me towards cheap and tacky and replaceable stuff instead of expensive or good things. this lowers my qol by quite a bit.

being like this makes me less capable of functioning in society. in a functioning market, i would be allotted less resources than people who are intact wrt this and i am, since replacing stuff you lose costs money that does not go into other resources you might want.

it is important that i do not become self-hating over this. intense emotions do not help here, they just hurt more than the material loss justifies. maybe it is still okay to be me, even if i am horrible at living. i will persist, one order after another

1: as an android user, i go with the ones from ugreen. i don't mean to make any recommendations here